Praying tonight

Tonight was a bit of a 'heavy' night for me- whenever Eric is at work i find myself either really thinking, or watching some stupid TV show on E! ...tonight, i was multitasking by doing both (multitasking generally allows my mind a sense of clarity- which i attribute to the constant sound of music & tap dancing that has followed me through my life).

I first saw an adorable little duck in the grass beside the road to our place, he was patiently waiting to cross the street. I honked at him to let him know i was coming and he stayed right there in the grass. Perhaps about 1/2 an hour later I was returning home and i saw that same little duck in 4 distinct pieces smashed on the road. My heart always aches when i see helpless animals dead on the street- but i got to see this one alive and well, just waiting his turn, and i can only imagine it was someone 'in a hurry' to where they were going, not paying attention to what was in the middle of the road that led to this duck's demise. For this duck, i shed some tears & talked to myself for a few moments- just saddened by the whole thing.

I ate some dinner, watched 'Kendra' and then found myself in a conversation with a friend. If you know me, then you know when i care about you or something, i'll do whatever it takes to be there- i have lots of what i call 'friend endurance'. I'm also an observer. I've made a few mistakes in life, but all in all I've been fortunate enough to learn from others mistakes rather than making my own (does that sound terrible? i surely hope not, i'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to know others & be taught lessons on a regular basis). So, if you ask my students (or especially Jenny, & my sissy if she lets me! :)) I'm fairly confident they'll tell you I'm the first person there to offer sound advice and a listening ear (can't even tell you how much those girls mean to me). Most of the time, we come to conclusion in a conversation & I help them along in the process of whatever their struggle is at the time (what they don't know is how much theyre helping me to become a better person by allowing me to help). Tonight, there was no conclusion.

If you're like me, you can't stand going to bed without it all concluded or at least a conclusion is on its way. I said a prayer, mostly for my peace with the situation (i've always had a hard time coming to a peace with things, much of the time because i care so much & want to be able to just fix things- thus the reason for the dove tattoo, a constant reminder to just be at peace.). After I said the prayer, I was offered immediate peace in the form of remembering my experience with the duck a few hours earlier! I honked at that cute little duck, i told him i was coming . But, all that time i was out there were probably 30-40 cars that passed that same area. All i could do was give him the heads up & it seemed as though the rest was up to him.

I think that's what God tries to teach me all the time. Sometimes, I just want to be able to be holding the controller- perhaps a result of my 'princess' childhood- but I need a constant reminder that it's just not in anyone's cards to be the controller. I can teach my students to point their feet in a grande jete, but only they can do the pointing, right? Tonight, i let go and let God, and i can't always say that for myself!

So, thanks to my mom & dad for teaching me that lesson, over & over again. For always pointing to the Bible for any answer i need in life, & to Eric for continuing that message that my parents always preached to me in my 'training' (my dad always uses official words in conversation- my bringing up was always referred to as my 'training') & thank you God for making your message to me clear today!

XO

At your request

I've been asked to create a blog. So that's exactly what I'm doing. I've always been a person who is interested in sharing & hearing about opinions and feelings in life, so I think my goal will be to do just that. I'm an advice taker and an advice giver. I've always been an observer in life and learned in that manner. MMMBop! So, we'll see how this goes.