Tonight was a bit of a 'heavy' night for me- whenever Eric is at work i find myself either really thinking, or watching some stupid TV show on E! ...tonight, i was multitasking by doing both (multitasking generally allows my mind a sense of clarity- which i attribute to the constant sound of music & tap dancing that has followed me through my life).
I first saw an adorable little duck in the grass beside the road to our place, he was patiently waiting to cross the street. I honked at him to let him know i was coming and he stayed right there in the grass. Perhaps about 1/2 an hour later I was returning home and i saw that same little duck in 4 distinct pieces smashed on the road. My heart always aches when i see helpless animals dead on the street- but i got to see this one alive and well, just waiting his turn, and i can only imagine it was someone 'in a hurry' to where they were going, not paying attention to what was in the middle of the road that led to this duck's demise. For this duck, i shed some tears & talked to myself for a few moments- just saddened by the whole thing.
I ate some dinner, watched 'Kendra' and then found myself in a conversation with a friend. If you know me, then you know when i care about you or something, i'll do whatever it takes to be there- i have lots of what i call 'friend endurance'. I'm also an observer. I've made a few mistakes in life, but all in all I've been fortunate enough to learn from others mistakes rather than making my own (does that sound terrible? i surely hope not, i'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to know others & be taught lessons on a regular basis). So, if you ask my students (or especially Jenny, & my sissy if she lets me! :)) I'm fairly confident they'll tell you I'm the first person there to offer sound advice and a listening ear (can't even tell you how much those girls mean to me). Most of the time, we come to conclusion in a conversation & I help them along in the process of whatever their struggle is at the time (what they don't know is how much theyre helping me to become a better person by allowing me to help). Tonight, there was no conclusion.
If you're like me, you can't stand going to bed without it all concluded or at least a conclusion is on its way. I said a prayer, mostly for my peace with the situation (i've always had a hard time coming to a peace with things, much of the time because i care so much & want to be able to just fix things- thus the reason for the dove tattoo, a constant reminder to just be at peace.). After I said the prayer, I was offered immediate peace in the form of remembering my experience with the duck a few hours earlier! I honked at that cute little duck, i told him i was coming . But, all that time i was out there were probably 30-40 cars that passed that same area. All i could do was give him the heads up & it seemed as though the rest was up to him.
I think that's what God tries to teach me all the time. Sometimes, I just want to be able to be holding the controller- perhaps a result of my 'princess' childhood- but I need a constant reminder that it's just not in anyone's cards to be the controller. I can teach my students to point their feet in a grande jete, but only they can do the pointing, right? Tonight, i let go and let God, and i can't always say that for myself!
So, thanks to my mom & dad for teaching me that lesson, over & over again. For always pointing to the Bible for any answer i need in life, & to Eric for continuing that message that my parents always preached to me in my 'training' (my dad always uses official words in conversation- my bringing up was always referred to as my 'training') & thank you God for making your message to me clear today!
XO
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